On Being Deliberate

Saying I’m going to be deliberate is very easy.  It’s the follow through that is difficult.  I know I spend much of my time on auto pilot, just doing things because I have always done them, or because everyone else does them.  Yes, knowing that I’m not deliberate is half of the battle, but how do I even begin to be deliberate?  I’m not sure how much of my day to day life is actually deliberate.  Was I conscious this morning when I woke up?  Am I awake right now?  Of course, my eyes are open, and I’m out of bed, but how much of life am I missing by just doing things without being intentional while doing them?  How many times have I zoned out in front of the TV when I could have better spent that time with my children or my fiance or my friends.  How many times have I zoned out while actually doing something, like washing dishes or driving?  Are my dishes really getting clean if I am thinking about the argument I had earlier while scrubbing the plates?  Did I run that stop sign back there, because I was reflecting on whether or not the shade of blue on my shirt matches the shade of blue on my pants?
     For me, being deliberate is going to require some work, some self discipline, and some dedication.  I don’t think that  a deliberate life is easy, but I believe a deliberate life has so many rewards that it makes all of the work worth the price.  Short term will be difficult, because I am so hooked on instant gratification.  But long term, I believe my life will be richer and filled with more joy.  I imagine I will be able to make the necessary sacrifices to make these changes, but it will be easier and more tempting to do what I have always done, especially if it is easier.  I want that easy button, too!  I think I need to keep in mind why I am doing this, because I don’t want to feel empty anymore.  I want to live, no, I want to LIVE!  I am not a robot, I have a loving, feeling soul that needs more than material goods to thrive on this planet.  I desire to be an example to my children, an example that I can be proud of, that I would actually want them to emulate.  I want a grand adventure while I am existing on this plane, not to run around and around on a gray track with everybody else.  I am unique.  I do not agree with everything that the TV tells me to think.  I don’t have to do what everybody else does or tells me to do.  I can think for myself.  I can stand up for myself, and by doing that, stand up for others.  I have the necessary confidence in myself to make the changes that I need to make in order to live my life the way I want to live it. 
     My resolutions for 2011 are a part of my changes.  It will take a lot of self discipline to meditate every day.  But I will be so much more balanced, able to reflect on my day and my life so far.  I will be more conscious, and more intentional, even if it is just for those five minutes every day.   
     Getting my finances in order will relieve a lot of stress on me and my fiance.  Even though I have no credit cards, no car loan, and no mortgage, I have a sloppy credit report, and a humungous student loan from my BA.  I always feel better if I know exactly where my money is, and where it is going.  This will help me because I really want to purchase my own home next year.  I want to be deliberate about managing my money, not let my money manage me.
     My cluttered house needs to be streamlines so that it is a haven for my family, not just a place to keep our stuff.  It doesn’t feel like a family friendly gathering place right now, and I want it to be a welcoming retreat for friends and family.  I’m going to start by doing all of the dishes before I go to sleep.  Every night.  I’m also going to get rid of five things everyday, at least for January.  Then I will step back, and reassess my needs. 
     Losing weight is really one aspect of getting back into shape.  I want to be healthy all around, not only thinner.  I would like to have endurance and strength as well.  But because I am so so sedate and obese, this is where I am starting.  Losing twenty five pounds will put me at a still fat one seventy five.  So my starting point is to change my eating habits, and the biggest culprit right now is eating out.  Right now, I estimate I eat at a restaurant at least once a day, if not twice.  So, for January, I commit to eating out only once a week.  This really benefits resolution number two, as well, since I won’t be spending money on eating out. 
     By doing these four small things everyday, I think I will be able to live more deliberately.  Here we go!